There was a monster behind my door
by solofia
Summary: For nine years Thatcher rapped Meredith violently untill the day she got him to stop with his own death... now she tries to return to a normal life with the help of her therapist Derek Shepred
1. Chapter 1

"I was three when it happened; my dad told me it was a game but I screamed in pain and because of that he made a cut in my Left arm so I would learn to not scream when he did that. My mom asked what happened and my dad told her I had just bumped against the coffee table and I had the cut from one of the edges. She didn't listen tough; she was way to busy cheating on him to even ask more questions. Every Wednesday when I got home from kindergarten I always left the car first and went inside to wide from him, I hid behind doors and courtines, under the beds, once even inside the trash can. But he always found me and then…then he ripped my clothes and made his way inside of me. I cried and begged "Please, daddy stop it please, please, you hurting Me." and he always responded "Do you like it? Do you? Say you like this! Scream my name!" and this repeated over and over again around fifty-two times a year. Two years later when I was around five my mom kicked my dad out. I was relieved, I felt free now we couldn't do that again, no more rapping for me. Then around my sixth birthday I was leaving for the school bus when someone grabbed me from my back a pushed me inside a bush. I knew it was him, only that messed up monster could do such a thing. I tried to scream for help; usually we were alone at home but now we were at my elementary school and I was hoping somebody could hear me but they didn't. Before I could try screaming for a second time we took a gun, a 38 caliber to be précised and threaten me with it. After that we waited until they all left and he took me to the back seat of the car, I arrived home two hours later and my mom didn't even notice. These became usual until the day that monster finally won my custody from my mom and I had to live with him and his new trophy wife and my one year old half-sister. The abuses continued again every Wednesday and I still hid from him. Then on June 26th 2008 I saw something terrible; I witnessed a murder. It was late, that I remember, I was weak because of another of my dad's"sessions" with me in that afternoon; when I heard a scream. My half sisters were asleep and didn't do anything but I snook out to my dad's and Susan's bedroom; halfway there the scream I heard before had disappeared. I knew what he had done in that moment so I hid myself behind an indoor plant and a couch; then I saw him taking a waffle iron and wearing it to disfigure Susan's face leaving all her face burnt and irreconcilable and then we wrapped her in a shower courtine and drove away with her body. Nobody ever found out and so I wouldn't have the same end I kept my silence for my life. The body was ditched at the woods behind the park; it was probably eaten by animals or something by now so dot even bother to look for it and just scratch her name from the missing persons list. He left his daughters without a mom and didn't even wonder why he did it. A couple of months ago I noticed he was looking at Lexie way too much and had that weird glow in his eyes; I read his mind like an open book and just knew he would start to rape her too if somebody didn't stopped him. The last time I saw him like that was before the first time he violated me and it haunts me every day. He kept his 38 caliber inside the first drawer of his dresser so I took it while he was doing breakfast. When we got back and he was taking he's Viagra to prepare himself for me and then probably Lexie I locked Lexie and Molly in the attic and hid the key under my mattress. When he took me to his room, he…he… throw me in bed while he took he's pants off and then I pulled the gun from under the bed."

"But that's not the whole story isn't it?"

"There's nothing else to it."  
>"You're lying!"<br>"How do you know, are you a mind reader?"  
>"No I read the police report of the murder and by the scars in your face and hands I know that "several wounds and small fractures in arms face to the deceased oldest daughter were found and treated in Seattle Grace Hospital followed by an interrogation" did happen."<p>

"Well, my plan was to take him out there but faith had other plans for it..." Meredith started to cry and to hyperventilate.

"It's okay; you don't have to tell me the rest now. This was the first session and I can't believe how fast you opened up to me."  
>"I did?"<p>

A nurse knocked on the door informing them it was time.  
>"You did; now it's time, you'll tell me the rest next week okay?"<br>"Okay doctor Shepred."  
>"Please, I'm still a med. student and you're my first real patient, call me Derek."<p>

**I really wanted to write something a little more dark and twisty and it took me a long time to plan this story, it won't be very long but it will explore a really dark territory. This chapter it's more like an introduction and besides the first line it's a little shorter than the ones I usually write. I don't know if you have an idea of the time that passed between Susan's death and Thatcher's so if you don't when Susan was murdered Meredith was 9 and when Thatcher died Meredith was twelve. **

**What did you think? Review me please! ;) **


	2. Chapter 2 Need to sleep

**In memory of Maria Manuel Aguiar 1957-2008. R.I.P we will never forget what you did for us.**

"So, are you telling me the rest of your story?"

"I can't sleep." answered Meredith to avoid the other subject.

"Why?" Derek decided to go with it.

"I'm scared."

"Of what Meredith, of what?"

"Him." she swallowed.

"Your dad? Why? He can't do anything else to you."

"I go to bed every night, my mom works late and I'm alone until she comes home. Then when I look at the door all I can think of is…"

"Him?" Derek tried to guess

"No. Waffles."

"How do you go from a door to waffles?"  
>"My bed is right in front of it, so when I look at the door I hear it."<br>"What?"

"Susan screaming, from the night my dad killed her."  
>"How long has that thought been on your mind?"<br>"I have to say, probably since a week after she died. Lexie and Molly came to me because they missed her really much and said they couldn't sleep without getting a good night kiss from their mom."  
>"What did you do?"<br>"I sang them that lullaby, _hush little baby don't say a word, momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if that mocking bird don't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring…"_

"Did that worked, did they fell asleep?"  
>"They did after a little while. Susan used to sing that to them every night before they fell asleep, she tried to do that to me though, but I asked her not to because she could find out about my rappings."<p>

"You are really strong, but I still don't know how you get to the whole waffle thing."  
>"My dad used a waffle iron to disfigure her and I watched it live and I still didn't do anything, I could have called the police, I could have jumped from the behind and use the waffle iron to burn him and stop him."<br>"No, you couldn't. If you had tried to hurt him he could easily turn the iron around and use it on you; but then he would have thought how he would explain that to social services and he would lose you and your sisters to them and there would be no one for him to attack. What did you think he would do after burning you?"  
>"He would kill me."<br>"See what I mean."  
>"I kind of wish he did. I want to die."<br>"Wow, wow, wow! Why?"  
>"He murdered her. Why didn't he do that to me? I wanted him to, it would kill my suffer too, and now I'm this screwed up, I'm a basket case! Nobody talks to me at school my mom can't look at me in the eye, and I'm all alone! I have nobody!" she immediately burst in tears and it was even hard for her to breathe. Derek got up from the armchair he was sitting on and sat next to her hugging her close to him while rubbing his hand up and down her back.<p>

"Hey, it's fine. You don't have anybody; you have me I'm here for you. You're twelve your life wasn't even began, I've seen your report card and you're a really bright girl; and beautiful genius bad ass girl. And you can do anything; don't let this ruin your life. There's so much you haven't seen yet, there's places you haven't visited yet, there's thing you haven't tasted, there's boyfriends you haven't met…"  
>"You think so?"<br>"Of course I do. We're working on this, and when you're all healed you can really start living with no fears."

"How long will it take?"

"I don't know it's up to you."  
>"Then, should I throw everything out?"<br>"You don't have to; when you're ready for it you'll tell me. Until then you can talk to me about anything."  
>"Anything?"<p>

"Anything."  
>"So, my science teacher is such a bitch! There's no way she could be anymore hypocrite! She has a meltdown every time someone forgets to do homework but all her test are exactly the same every year and all she has to do is print them! And afterwards she still has the guts to tell me and everyone else we're lazy."<br>Derek chuckled a little bit when he heard this.

"What?" asked Meredith confused.

"That teacher is such a bitch!"  
>"I know right! And you have no idea how my English teacher is…"<p>

And so they wasted the rest of the session trash talking but what the hell! They could progress when Meredith was ready to progress, till then to even get her to talk about something was already good enough; she needed someone to trust.

**In the beginning of this story Maria Manuel was my elementary school teacher and once she was the woman who taught me to read and write I owe all off this to her, she died after fighting cancer for four years and passed away at the age of 50 on June 25****th**** 2008. On July 5****th**** she would turn 51. I remember the last time I saw her was around this time of the year and I wish I knew it would be the last time. So wherever she is now this is for her.**

**More chapters still coming, what did you think of this chapter? Review me please! ;) **


	3. Chapter 3 Dream

So; this is our sixth session, you're more comfortable around me, the enough to ask to go to the bathroom change tampons but you still haven't told me what happened which is okay, once you're ready to tell me you will. You told me you're making new friends at your new school. Everything is good, you're on your away to normality congratulations see you next week Mer."

"Thank you Derek, next week!" Meredith left the office like I any other session but that could go from crying to laughing about the last Simpsons episode so in that scale she was in the middle with just relaxed.

About half an hour later Derek noticed Meredith had left her back pack in his office so he called her house warning the house keeper he would swing bye later that day to bring it.

It was around six o'clock when Derek parked next to the sidewalk. He rang the bell but all he heard was the housekeeper yelling "it's unlocked, come in!" He found the housekeeper in the kitchen and she told him Meredith was upstairs and that he could go meet her.

So far so good; until he walked in the room…

"Oh my God!" he kept repeating inside his thoughts.

Meredith had two of her walls wallpapered with pictures of him. Only those pictures weren't from his MySpace page: she had one with him by the coffee cart near the train station; one of him at McDonalds from last week, one where only his shadow in the courtines of his apartment was seen and it went on and on. "Holy crap she has been chasing me for weeks!" the sentence recurred and a broken record in his mind.

Then somebody came from the behind of him, he turned back to face a naked Meredith wrapping herself around him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Don't be shy, the housekeeper has the vacuum cleaner on she won't hear us. Now come on!"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey wait a minute. You're a kid you should be doing homework not trying to sleep with a guy 8 years older than you!" He pulled her away from him. "Here; wrap yourself in this towel you'll freeze to death if you stay like this."

"Didn't you hear me? Get off your pants and get inside mines!"  
>"A. You're not wearing any and B- You're twelve it's a crime."<br>"I'm not a virgin, I'm not inexperienced! I can do it, I know I can, don't go easy on me!"

"Since your father died you've been in a sex withdraw, so you've been chasing me, but you're not emotionally ready Meredith. The sex you know comes from pain and hate, but one day when you're old enough you'll fall in love and then you'll figure out that it isn't hate but love. Meanwhile you'll have to learn to live without it, that pain you suffered from became your narcotic, now this is rehab."

"Don't say I'm not emotionally ready! I've done it more than you, according to my counts around 468 times!" she broke in tears.

"Come here, its okay for you to cry…" she cut him off.

"I'm ready! I'm mature! I have to! If I don't Molly and Lexie aren't ready to live without a dad! They need to! I killed him, I took him away from them to protect them but it only hurt them worst! He was everything for them; I could have handled more rappings a week so he could still be their daddy and my monster! They're alone, and scared, living with an aunt they never hear off! They need me! And I can only be with them once a month! God take me away from this hell people call life!"" She climbed to the windowpane and opened her arms like Jesus I the cross.

"No, wait! I'll sleep with you. No one will know! I just need to go get a condom inside my car and then we can do it! Just stay under the covers until I comeback. I'm just garbing a condom from the car okay!"

"Fine, I'll stay here thank you."

Of course Derek wasn't going to get a condom from the car; he was going to make a call.

"_Seattle __Psychological__ Rehabilitation Center, how may I help you?" asked a woman on the phone._

"_You can. My name is Derek Shepred I'm a psychic intern at Seatlle Grace. I've been helping a 12 year who was rapped and now she became a stocker and is trying to convince me to sleep with her; when I told her no she threaten to commit suicide. I hate to say this once she's a very sweet girl who didn't deserve it but I think she may be dangerous. Can you come to commit her? The address is Queen Anne Hill nº 34."  
>"Sure, we'll sent how people there, until them I'm gonna need you sir to stall her for fifteen minutes. Sorry for her."<em>

After a little while they arrived and took Meredith away to their facility in an ambulance, fastening Meredith in a white vest keeping her from ever run away.

"No! Let me go! I'm not dangerous, I'm in love! Don't you get it! Derek please tell them I'm not crazy, you said I wasn't this afternoon! Please!" she cried and fought the vest with no success.

And Derek stood there with no power what so ever while his first patient and friend in Seattle was taken away to hell.

**It's not over yet; I have an even better chapter coming up next week.**

**Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4 Loneliness

** Sorry about chaper 3 i know i originally uploded the wrong one. So if you haven't read the correct one read it now or you won't understand how Meredith got to this place. **

**I put a lot of work in this chapter, like it's a little dark I wrote it while hearing "Solidão/ Canção do Mar" by Amália Rodrigues. I wrote the translation if you want to hear it while reading this. But I'll warn you its fado so it's supposed to be really slow and sad.**

**Enjoy.**

_Loneliness of whom shook  
>the temptation of heaven<br>And the charms, which gave me the sky  
>Is it really me?<br>Under this veil of tears_

Not knowing whether to cry some sin  
>Trembling, I implore the closed skies<br>Sad love, somebody's love  
>When you have another love<br>Abandoned, and I didn't abandoned myself  
>For me, nobody<br>Still stops in the road

"I'm glad you came, she's been in solitary every since the first week. But be careful she's still dangerous." a nurse said.

"I will be. I just thought she might want some company."

"That's thoughtful, I have a daughter your age do you want a date with her?" asked the nurse while popping a bubble gum balloon with her mouth. She should be around fifty years old, worn bright blue eye shadow like if it was the 80's, and by the white roots manifesting in the top of her head she probably didn't have time to go to the hairdresser that morning.

"I think I might stay celibate for a while."  
>"Shame, you're one hot piece of hass. Anyway here we are." she said placing the key in the keyhole and opening the door. "Miss Grey? You've got visitors."<p>

"Where is she?" he asked looking into the dark room with only a few shades of sunshine went through the small closed window.

"She likes to play hide and seek. As it turns out she likes the darkness, guess that was what got her in here."

Derek looked at her like if she had just told him he was the son of a raccoon.

"Kidding hunk. I'll come back when visit time is over." the old nurse pushed Derek inside and locked the door behind him.  
>"Meredith where are you? It's okay it's just me. I thought you might want some company." he didn't have an answer. "I brought some of those butterscotch candies you love; you know… the ones you used to steel from that big bowl in my office." still no sights of life. "Are you scared? I here for you, that's why I came."<p>

Suddenly he saw her green eyes staring at him form one of the corners of the room.

He decided to keep silence; then he realized she had been singing for days and was still doing it but really low. So low with her voice cracking he didn't heard it until he held his breath and got down on one knee in front of her trying to understand what she might be saying.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word…" She looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain and sorrow.

Derek nearly froze right in front of her; those beautiful green/blue eyes with the tiniest glimpse of occasional happiness he sometimes got to see had faded in a pain filled red that dragged itself all over her face staining that snow white skin color with restless tears. It wasn't blood, but he kind of wished it was. If it was blood she'd be dead by now and wouldn't have to suffer that way.

"Hey, it's okay you can stop singing. You're safe it's just Me." he tried to hold her but she pushed him back with her foot.

"Don't you have anything to tell me? I haven't seen you in over a month." he sat down crossing his legs like if he was on yoga.

"…momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird…" she still appeared to be absent from that room.

"Mer? Can you hear me?"

"… don't sing momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring…"

"Can you at least show me you're safe or alive?"

"…don't shine." Meredith stopped singing luckily, because I don't know the rest of the lyrics. She buried her face in her knees like if she was trying to protect herself from getting beat up by her dead father. She took one hand and pointed to the wall behind Derek.

The whole room was dark like I said before, the wall Meredith was pointing at was the one with the small window but like it was closed that disgusting orange-brick wall had absolutely no shade of light; but when Derek got closer and used his phone as a lantern he saw messages all over the wall.

"What are these?"

She pointed at the one in the top. Derek read it out loud.

"_My name is Meredith Grey, I'm twelve years old and I was born here in Seattle. This is my story. When I was three my dad rapped me for the first of many times; when I was nine I saw him murder my step-mother. One day I got him to stop by killing him with his 38 caliber. At that time I was twelve. But my troubles didn't end there: I became a stocker with suicidal tendencies. That's why I'm here in this room alone; I'm a stocker I can't live with any other patients inside this hellhole without trying to force them into sleeping with me._

_I'm scared, scared of life, so I get myself locked in here where I don't have to hear the silence of the ones abandoned by their families or the screams of the demented. I rather live in the darkness; here I'm alone with my thoughts instead of outside with that freak show._

_The worst part is when they force me to get out of here to go to therapy. The nurses already call me a lost cause and say I'll never get out of here. Because of the things I act to get myself inside this old room they handcuff me to the couch and I have 8 nurses holding me the way back. That's how I got this marker; I stole it from one of their pockets._

_This prison-like solitary is my sanctuary; here I'm safe from my dad and others."_ When he finished reading this Meredith was still curled in a corner.

"You're fine." He said "Why are you acting like this?"

She got up and grabbed the marker writing on the wall "I'm safe, Lexie and Molly aren't."

"Then get yourself out of here for them. Do you even know what day it is?" he asked sitting on her bed.

She grabbed the marker once again "25th June 2011. My 13th birthday."

"Happy birthday to you…" Derek tried to cheer her up by singing, only Meredith started to write on the wall again.

"Please, stop singing. I'm already suicidal." she wrote.

"Okay, since you've been using that marker a lot I'm guessing you'll run out of paint soon so here's my present to you. I'll come back next week. Bye."  
>"Bye." she responded before Derek exited the door."<p>

"I want to see her file please.

**What did you think? I have more in store next week if I have time.**

**Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5 Prison Break

**SO, SO SORRY FOR THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO UPDATE! Test season started again and I have tests until June 16****th****. This weekend writing would have been the only thing I'd done IF my history test from last Tuesday wouldn't have been changed to this Monday, making me studying everything all over again. Any way enjoy it and again sorry for the delay all. **

"Miss Grey?" The nurse called as she opened the door to Meredith asylum.

Meredith crawled fast in fetal position as a defense mechanism when the nurse thrown her some clothes.

"That intern who rejected my daughter is taking you outside; put that on within ten minutes or he'll walk in on you half naked!" The nurse slammed the door.

The outside? Where all the other nut jobs are? Meredith panicked so she took out her marker and once again wrote random words on the walls. Eventually she got dressed before Derek arrived.

"Can I come in?" Derek asked knocking on the already opened door. He noticed Meredith hasn't so introverted like the week before. This time her cheeks weren't stained that bad with tears marks and she wasn't curled up on a corner singing lullabies.

"Sure." she said softly.

"What are you waiting for let's go!" he grabbed her hand and dragged her to the parking lot.

"Where are we going?" she asked as she slowly got into the passenger's seat.

"Getting your whole life back; first stop your old kindergarten."

"Why there?" she asked turning her head to Derek.

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

Fifteen minutes later Derek parked the car next to the sidewalk right in front of the white gates delimiting the school's property. The windows had cartoon characters painted in them; there where daisies and petunias along the entry not to forget the sunflowers planted in front on the door. You could see a jungle gym in the back yard, four sets on swings and two slides to your left, an assemble swimming poll that had been used recently to your right. It was nice.

"It summer this place is probably closed." she said.

"I don't think so. Look inside."

Derek was right, there here about ten kids playing duck duck goose inside with a teacher.

"Why are they here? The school year ended two weeks ago?" she asked.

"You know the answer; you've probably been here at this time of the year before…"

It was true; her mom had only two weeks of vacation every year and her father had paperwork to do after the school year ended and wasn't home until July. But she wasn't the only one there, the other kids parents also worked until mid summer so there was always some teacher who got her hass out of bed to look after those little innocent brats.

They opened the door and decided to play with the kids until lunch time. Then they went outside and played in the swings followed by a quick game of soccer before the kids had to nap.

Meredith was reborn that day; she ran around free like a bird, talked to people lie if she wasn't a basket case. The best part was riding in the yellow swing really high and by this a mean abnormally high for a little kids swing; the felling of the wind on her face the sun making her hair gold all of those sensations brought the old her back. This time she could ride that same sing without worrying when her dad would come to pick her up and rape her at home again, she could just enjoy that careless.

Derek was right they went there to get her life back, they did it now it's SCREW YOU THATCHER YOU CAN'T HURT ME NOW, for Meredith.

Let's see what life has saved for her now, waiting is the only way to figure it out… at that précised moment she really didn't care about it.

**One or two more chapters to come. Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6 The way it all ends

**Hey, sorry for the wait. I tried to see if I could come up with something more but this is all I got.**

**Anyway enjoy the end. I said this story would be short; it actually became twice as big as I thought it would be…**

Eventually they both had to grow up . Meredith continued on therapy with Derek until she was about sixteen. Then Derek started his internship and they never got to see each other again…or so they thought.

Never say never, we've all heard that before.

Did it ever become real?

This is FanFiction so why not?

If you're meant to die in a fire you'll die in a fire; if you're meant to win the lottery you'll win the lottery and if you're meant to end up with Derek you will.

One day they met each other at a bar across the street from the hospital; Derek could swear that girl seemed familiar but he just couldn't tell from where. So he got up from the table and bought her a drink.

The rest as they say is history…

**Thank you from reading! Please review! It was a long school year! I can't tell how many times it was ten o'clock and my head couldn't bear any kind of sound or signal of life… **


End file.
